I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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