Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
smell my finger.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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