Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
