So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
