looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
