She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
