the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
