So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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