Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
