I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
