He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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