so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
