Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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