Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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