she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
