Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
