We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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