He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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