Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
