so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
