also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
