If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
