can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
