I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Your penis caused this!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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