i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
