awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
