Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
