I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
