Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
