he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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