So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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