dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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