ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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