i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
