dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
