I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
