this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
