i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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