You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
