I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just pee around me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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