Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
