why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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