I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
