I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
