I will die if light touches me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
