Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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