I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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