Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
