Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
