I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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