you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
