god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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