I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
