I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
