Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
