i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
