This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
