so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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