Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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