i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
