And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
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doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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