I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just had sex on a roof
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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